i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
