would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
