just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
