very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
