I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
