Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
