my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
