woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
