if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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