i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
