dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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