she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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