i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
