Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
