Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
