You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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