ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he fucked my hip out of place.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
