I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
