I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize