I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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