at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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