Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize