i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
