i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
