ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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