btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
