Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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