An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize