dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
