There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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