So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
