Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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