Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
