I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize