Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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