He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
