I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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