normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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