This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
