The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
