imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize