i permit you to call me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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