Pappa wants mamma naked
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
