Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
