So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
