let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
