I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
