if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
