Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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