Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
