I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
