everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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