Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think my moral compass just broke
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
