Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
