If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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