Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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