Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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