if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
