so that wasnt chicken after all
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize