Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
