I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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