Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it's like heaven, but drunker
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
