If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
