I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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