Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Randomize
