I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
