none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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