My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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