So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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